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The internet: fulfilling your niche visual jokes, one blog at a time

It’s a blog. Called LAZERTITS. What more do you want from me?

“For centuries the female bosom has been wrongfully held in the prison of maternal duty and manboy motor-boating. The time has come to blow the cell doors open for breasts! Howl for hooters! Get toasted by tits! Behold the blazing boobs! It’s time to get ZAPPED!!!! LAZERTITS looks into the past and changes the future one broad at a time. What will YOU say when your kids ask where you were during the revolution? Don’t burn your bra, BLAST IT!!!”

It’s making you depressed that lazertits don’t exist in real life, isn’t it? Me too, buddy. Me too.

Lifestyle Photos Cause Yearning for Life, Style

I’m not usually one to plotz over glamorous lifestyle photography– at least not the kind that glamorizes, say, parties I’m not invited to, or exhausted-looking girls in their underwear. You know? I mean, I live in East Williamsburg like everybody else.  I know plenty of conscientiously-dressed white twenty-somethings.  So I don’t normally need pictures of your friends, thanks– no really, just put the flickr page and body-glitter down and back away.

So maybe it’s all the torrential downpour we’ve had in NYC the last few days talking, but hoo boy, I’m falling hard for the sense of locale in Laura Taylor’s photography here. That porch photo up there? It’s definitely causing my biweekly “why the fuck don’t I live somewhere with an average temperature above 50 degrees” crisis of self doubt.  Not that the rain hadn’t covered that already.  Anyway, I hope this inspires some of you to move to California like reasonable adults.

Also? Homegirl is 21 freakin’ years old. Respect.

The Darling Life Continue reading…

Know Arties: Weep little hobo clown, weep.

Ok, look at this!  I’ve talked about my girl-boner for Allison Shulnik ’round these parts before, when we tried to make sense of the whole “glop art” painting thing.  I’m actually starting to think that old Shulnik might actually be a more kick-ass animator than painter, because watching the above Grizzly Bear-soundtracked film “Hobo Clown” sent me into paroxysms of joy and sadness for little hobo clowns everywhere.  I mean, it just keeps going.  I’m pretty sure it’s like barfing funfetti frosting.  Just look at it!

Seein’ Dis: The Anxiety of Influence

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On the morning of Saturday, March 27 2010, the MoMA opened as usual.  Inside, Marina Abramovic sat facing a table and an empty chair.  As scheduled, she was ready to receive visitors as part of her marathon performance piece, “The Artist is Present.”

But this Saturday was different: the first visitor in line was a young woman who showed up dressed in a long dark blue dress, a black braid swept over one shoulder. As Abramovic’s doppleganger, she sat across from her and assumed a mirror pose. And there she sat, to the befuddlement of the museum staff and visitors, all day.

Frequently overhead in the crowd was the exclamation of disbelief, “She’s still here?!” There were some grumpy folks who waited for their turn in line before giving up, because no one could beat this marathon sitter. I checked twitter to see someone whine, “Really mad at this Marina Abromavic[sic] imposter whose[sic] taken over the exhibit at the MOMA. A plague upon both your houses!“*

It was mysterious. It was intriguing. It was hilarious. My initial thought was: what a better way to “kill your idol” than to beat her at her own game, but then I also wondered if it was a way to present affection to a long-admired artist and influence?

As it turns out, the doppleganger is Anya Liftig, a Brooklyn-based performance artist.  Her intervention on “The Artist is Present” was a performance of her own, which she has titled “The Anxiety of Influence” after the Harold Bloom book of the same title. Bloom’s main concern was how poets, driven to write by their admiration of their idols, could succeed in generating original work in spite of the pressure of influence. See what I’m saying?

I spoke to Anya about her anxieties of influence, her endurance level, and what it was like to come face-to-face with the so-called “grandmother of performance art.”  Read the interview after the jump.

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Conceptual Outfits No Longer Just for Humans

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It’s a well documented fact that my two favorite things are: 1) cute doggies 2) Lady Gaga. Thus: dogs dressed as Lady Gaga. Sure, why not. I’m waiting for them to wrap some diet coke cans around the ears of a cocker spaniel because then it’d be a combination of third favorite thing (diet cola), but that’d probably be all kinds of cruel.

Meet: THE DOGGIE GAGA PROJECT. You’re welcome…?

1997 called, it wants us to have better parties

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File this one under future party themes:

Berlin-based artist Hans Hemmert (the guy who made that balloon tank you keep seeing on the internet) filled a room with various-height stilts so that each guest could become exactly 6 feet tall.  BOOM:  Equal-height cocktail party time.*

This is obviously lovely and silly and is called “Level” (go figure).  It’s from 1997 so we’re not exactly breaking news here. The point, though, is the many future party themes this suggests:  the everyone-is-wearing-lobster-hands party? The blindfolded-but-also-wearing-headphones-that-make-it-sound-like-you’re-underwater party? Dream on, people, and dream big.

*This would also allow me to finally fulfill my dream of standing eye-to-eye with 6-foot Smartie Andrew, instead of craning my neck upwards as he dispenses his sage design advice. Le sigh.

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Blade Wynne’s paintings are the most lovable, least pukey

"Veil" 2008. watercolor and gouache on paper. 10"x13"

"Veil" 2008. watercolor and gouache on paper. 10"x13"

Whew, we’ve sure been looking at a lot of slick stuff lately, haven’t we?  You know what I’m talking about: the squeaky clean stuff like this, and this, and especially this.  Not that I don’t totally love that shit, but quoth Roberta Smith, “we cannot live by the de-materialization — or the slick re-materialization — of the art object alone.” Right? Oh, Roberta <3

So if you will, please allow me this opportunity to present to you how much I love Blade Wynne’s stuff. Blade is a No Smarties BFF, he’s both a sweet painter and a Totally Nice Guy, and obviously has one of the most ridiculously badass names you’ve ever heard.

His stuff tends to be modest in scale and maybe humble in content, but hugely ambitious in color range and thoughtfully plotted out spaces. His paintings feel like they happen really slowly before your eyes, and make me so excited that I want to run into the woods live in a tent and look at leaves and live like a crazy woman and do nothing but draw for weeks. Ummmyeah.  He makes some of the best observational work I ever see around these days; a tradition that, lets face it, gets clogged with a lot of pukey painting.

Click through for MORE!

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Olafur Eliasson makes me shit my pants full of rainbows

Are you in Kanazawa, Japan right now? If the answer is yes, then a) I’m super jealous b) you can still catch Olafur Eliasson’s show “Your Chance Encounter” at the 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art of Kanazawa until March 22.

I have a rocky relationship with Olafur, personally; one minute I’m hating on his stupid waterfalls,  the next I’m getting all weepy and transcendent at his warm glowy womb room at the MoMA. His work is so good when it dematerializes and then reappears all up in your personal space. It’s also often terribly beautiful. There’s no doubt in my mind that when this sucker is on, he is ON.

I can’t say I’ve seen any of this work in person so I can’t help you out by explaining how it works, so instead just ENJOY. And maybe gnaw your fingernails in jealousy. Because, giant rainbow light rooms? Rhombic kaleidoscopes? Come on!

Images via Olafur Eliasson’s website.

No, Puddles! NOOO! and other thoughts from the Kings County Biennial

peepee

So, last weekend I did that hilarious thing at a gallery opening.  You know, where first you confuse a piece trash for a sculpture, and then confuse an actual sculpture with a piece of trash.  Ha ha ha ha ho ohmyGOD contemporary art, I LOVE IT when you painfully confirm all those things my mom says about you.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one confused.  Moments later the crowd ceremoniously parted, giving me a perfect view of a little dog lifting its leg and pissing on the above sculpture. Not kidding.  I’m very, very sorry to say I don’t know whose piece it is, or what the title was– but gentle jury, please know that I tried to stop it.  Cue the slow-motion outreach and open-mouthed horror: “NOOOoooo…….!”

Wow.

But don’t take that one (doggy) critic’s opinion: Kidd Yellin’s “The Kings County Biennial” is an uneven but sprawling and fun show featuring some top-notch mid-career artists’ work, and it runs through Feb 28. A few pics after the jump.

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Living in Delusion (Downtown)

The ladies of the Delusional Downtown Divas do something you don’t see all too often: make fun of the art world through being root-tootingly HILARIOUS (as opposed to normal art world criticism, which is often pedantic and hypocritical and snoozerfest).  Maybe it’s because by “art world” we mean “themselves.”

Meet Oona, Swann, and AgNess: hyped-up versions of their real world selves, who were artworld born-and-raised, but are 1000x more embarassing and 1000x more entertaining.

They’ve just launched their second season which you can watch here. And if you don’t you are making a SAD SAD mistake for yourself and your sense of humor. Watch it and laugh until you wonder how many people are actually unselfconsciously like this all the time? Answer: Um actually quite a few.

Cheers, ladies!



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